


Kyle's Boomin' Therapy

by KPesh123



Series: Kyle's Boomin' Adventures [31]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Bad Writing, Beer, Best Friends, Binge Drinking, Childhood Friends, College, Comedy, Comedy of Errors, Dark Comedy, Developing Friendships, Doctor/Patient, Drinking, Drinking & Talking, Drinking Games, Drinking to Cope, Drugs, Enemies to Friends, Epic Friendship, Excessive Drinking, Friendship, Gay Sex, Good Writing, Heavy Drinking, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Late Night Writing, Male Friendship, Marijuana, Medical, Medical Procedures, Medication, Medicine, Mental Health Issues, Oral Sex, Other, Party, Partying, Public Sex, References to Drugs, Sabotage, Semi-Public Sex, Sex, Smoking, Tequila, Therapy, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, Vodka, Whiskey & Scotch, Writing, Writing Exercise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:26:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29986296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KPesh123/pseuds/KPesh123
Summary: Kyle’s anxiety had been going through the roof as of recent.  After a series of rage posts on Snapchat and Instagram, someone ratted him out to the school.  The school emailed Kyle and forced him to go to a therapy session in order to fix his mental state.  Not wanting to be there, Kyle called up the boys beforehand...
Series: Kyle's Boomin' Adventures [31]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1867981





	Kyle's Boomin' Therapy

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the other works of Kyle's Boomin' Adventures!!!

Kyle’s Boomin’ Therapy

“I just can’t seem to get it out of my head you know? Like there are nights where I can’t sleep because of the bullshit. I could be walking through campus on a nice warm day eating an ice cream cone, reggae music in my headphones, I’m vibing right? While walking around happy I see it and that fucking triggers me!!! My entire day is ruined, I’m depressed after. That’s only the beginning doctor.” Kyle ranted.

“I see.” The Therapist responded. “So I’m assuming that ‘it’ is this young woman sitting on the other side of the couch here?” 

“What the fuck?” Kyle asked, confused.

“Hi boomer!” Nancy Drew chimed in excitedly. 

“GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!!!” Kyle screamed.

“Hold on one second, this might be beneficial for us.” The Therapist said. “Now Nancy right? Answer me this, why do you follow Kyle around pestering him constantly?” 

“Kyle is my friend, I am only looking out for him.” Nancy responded in a sad voice. 

“Don’t be fooled doctor. She may look innocent and cute, but trust me she’s nothing but pure evil.” Kyle responded.

“Kyle I’d never hurt you.” Nancy said looking at Kyle with a pouty face. 

“I swear to god if you don’t shut the fuck up!” Kyle snapped.

“Okay I think I see what’s going on here.” The Therapist interrupted. “Nancy, tell me, did you have any friends in high school?” 

“No I was not well liked.” Nancy responded.

“I assume you sense some sort of comfort with Kyle.” 

“Yes I do.” 

“Okay here’s what I want you two to do. I want you two to hug.” 

“Fuck!!!” Kyle yelled.

“Yes!!!” Nancy yelled at the same time. 

“I think if you two shared a connection things wouldn’t feel so polarized.” The Therapist said. “Now proceed. Kyle, don’t hesitate.” 

Nancy looked at Kyle and put her arms out for a hug. Kyle gritted his teeth, he was visibly angry and gave Nancy a death glare. Nancy looked at Kyle and started to bat her eyelids. Slowly Kyle did as The Therapist said. Kyle inched over as if he was about to pick up a massive spider. Nancy kept her arms out and tried her best to look welcoming and caring. Kyle made it over to her side of the couch and embraced the hug. 

“Ew EW EW EW EWWWW GET IT OFF!!!” Kyle yelled.

“Continue with the hug!” The Therapist snapped.

The two continued to hug, Nancy was enjoying every minute of it, embracing Kyle, giving him a tight warm hug. She looked to feel completely safe and comfortable in his arms, Kyle on the other hand felt the exact opposite. Kyle was cringing every second of the altercation. When Nancy started to rub her hand on his back, Kyle jumped in terror. Just a minute later Kyle caved. 

“Okay I can’t do this.” Kyle snapped. “Ricky you can take her out.” 

An exterminator came in and put Nancy in a giant net. Nancy looked at Kyle with pouty puppy eyes as she was bagged and dragged out of the room. The Therapist looked at the entire event jaw dropped. The Therapist had never seen anything like that ever, Kyle began to speak.

“Well that takes care of that. Ugh, imma need to take a long shower! Haha!” 

“You hired an exterminator to get rid of someone who obviously cares about you?! What the fuck?!” The Therapist yelled.

“You’ve obviously been fooled by her. Trust me she’s literally the human version of Mr. Pickles. The worst mistake is being nice and vulnerable in front of her.” Kyle explained. 

“I think I’m starting to see the problem here.” The Therapist said. 

Kyle’s anxiety had been going through the roof as of recent. After a series of rage posts on Snapchat and Instagram, someone ratted him out to the school. The school emailed Kyle and forced him to go to a therapy session in order to fix his mental state. Not wanting to be there, Kyle called up the boys beforehand. 

“Yo Kyle what’s fucking good?” Mark said poking his head through the window.

“Yo Mark what’s fucking goodie!!!!” Kyle yelled.

“Now’s a bad time?” Mark asked.

“Yes we happen to be in the mi…” The Therapist said until getting interrupted. 

“Nahhhh come on in man!!!” Kyle interrupted. 

“Oh bet!!!” Mark responded.

“You got those beers we can crush?” Kyle asked.

“Fuck yea I do!!!” Mark answered.

“Bust them out man!!” Kyle responded.

Mark pulled two cans of Budwiser out of his portable cooler. Kyle poked two holes in them with his key. Kyle and Mark proceeded to shotgun the beers. Mark pulled out two more beers and they proceeded to shotgun them. 

“Excuse me gentlemen alcohol is not allowed in here!!” The Therapist yelled.

“Fucking nerd.” Kyle responded.

“Yeah fuck you doc!!” Mark added. 

“Can we please continue the session?” The Therapist asked.

“Yeah I got some things to say.” Mark answered. “Our friends are fucking retards.” 

“I wasn’t really asking you but okay, proceed.” The Therapist said. 

“Our friend Malcolm is a fucking scumbag. This guy is a closet homosexual who power moves dudes he hates.” Mark lectured.

“Power moves dudes?” The Therapist asked.

“He makes them suck his dick.” Kyle added. 

“Yeah, he acts like such a homophobe in order to hide it. He’s a legit Neo-Nazi that wants to put them in camps. He’s been growing out this beard in order to look more like a ‘New Englander’ but he looks like a complete jackass.” Mark ranted. 

“He looks like a fucking bear.” Kyle added.

“That’s exactly what he is.” Mark responded. 

“You guys are fucking assholes.” A voice said from the door.

“Holy shit Malcolm!!” Mark yelled.

“Come on in! Join the party pal, we got beer!” Kyle said.

“Oh fuck yea!!! I love beer!!” Malcolm shouted barging into the room.

The Therapist was visibly agitated. What started out as an important session to examine Kyle’s mental health had been completely sabotaged by his jackass friends from home. Malcolm grabbed a beer and started drinking.

“Now listen to me, doctor. I am no homosexual!! Whatever these assholes told you is completely false!!” Malcolm said. 

“You had two dudes suck your dick, like Jesus you hide it terribly!!” Kyle yelled. 

“Hey!! Jack gave me only one bowl hit!!! If you’re going to give me weed you better have enough to get me baked!!!!” Malcolm yelled.

“You’re gay. It’s so obvious.” The Therapist commented.

“Nobody’s talking to you here!” Mark snapped.

“Hey at least he’s not like Nick, who tells strippers about his problems.” Kyle added.

“You do have a point Kyle.” Mark said.

“Yes I think we can all agree that Nick is pathetic for that.” Malcolm commented.

“At least I don’t fuck fat chicks!!” A voice shouted at the door.

“Holy shit it’s Nick!!!” Malcolm yelled.

“Yep that’s right fuckers!!! Now give me a beer and move over.” Nick said.

The Therapist got even more angry as Nick barged in and began to drink. The Therapist stopped writing down notes and analyzing as it was obvious Kyle and the boys were not taking this meeting seriously. 

“Now let me tell you something doctor, I was in a dark place then. I was eating Chihuahuas constantly…” Nick said before getting interrupted. 

“You eat dogs?!” The Therapist screamed in terror.

“No retard, it’s a very delicious dish you get from Bukakoos. I brought one if anyone wants to share.” Nick said.

“NO!!! STOP IT NICK!!!!” Kyle yelled slapping the dish out of his hand. 

“You know what?! Fuck you!!! You owe me!!” Nick responded.

“I owe you?! No mother fucker, I saved you from your crippling addiction.” Kyle said.

“If none of you are going to eat that I’ll just take it.” Mark commented, grabbing the Chihuahua from the floor. 

“Hey at least I’m not like Gianni, he’s so antisocial right now.” Nick said.

“How can I be antisocial when I’m right here?” A voice asked at the door.

“Yooooo Gianni!!!” Malcolm yelled.

“Holy shit there’s more of you people?!” The Therapist asked in horror.

“Yeah, there’s a few more who are probably going to come in at their cue.” Gianni responded. 

The Therapist threw everything on the floor and laid back in the chair in horror. Gianni came in and cracked open a beer for himself. The boys continued to drink and talk. 

“Now which one of you assholes put a slice of cheese on my car the other day?” Gianni asked.

“The fuck?” Malcolm asked.

“I walked out to my car the other day and there was a slice of cheese on it.” Gianni explained.

“That’s fucking hilarious.” Kyle commented.

“It’s so random!!” Nick said.

“Ight, I’m not gonna lie, that was me.” Mark admitted.

“Bruh!!! Why?” Gianni asked.

“You just got cheesed.” Mark responded.

“But why though?” Gianni asked.

“Don’t worry about it.” Mark responded. 

“Hey, you may be antisocial but at least you’re not like Jay and Tom. Those two are like tweedle dee and tweedle dumbass.” Kyle said.

“You know what go fuck yourself.” A voice said at the door.

“You crazy.” Another voice said at the door.

“Oh my god it’s Jay and Tom.” Mark commented annoyed.

“We’re gonna come in here and discuss this.” Jay said.

Jay and Tom proceeded to walk into the doorway. Since the two were dumbasses they bumped into each other at the doorway. Instead of trying to figure out a way to walk in one at a time, the two continued to bump into each other. 

“How about you two walk in one at a time.” The Therapist offered.

“Oh yea.” Tom responded.

The two proceeded to bump into each other once more as they tried to walk in one at a time. Once they made it in everyone was staring at them in disappointment. After a minute of staring at each other, Jay turned to The Therapist.

“Hey that worked!! That was smart, are you some sort of doctor or something?” 

“That’s it!! I’m fucking done!! You people are clearly mentally deranged. There’s no hope for you, I quit!!!” The Therapist yelled.

“Get the fuck out of here you Nancy Drew supporter!!” Kyle yelled. 

“The Therapist supported Nancy Drew?” Nick asked.

“Yep, completely went against me. The Therapist made me hug that bitch.” Kyle responded.

“Jesus, that's gotta be scary.” Mark commented.

“Very.” Kyle said.

The Therapist stormed out of the building in anger. The boys closed the door of the office and emptied Mark’s portable cooler. With thirty beers on the coffee table, the boys crushed the entire pack for the rest of the night. Afterwards they wandered into town in order to drunkenly start fights with the college students and townspeople. It was safe to say that the boys had a rowdy night.

  
  


I hope you enjoyed my Boomin’ Therapy. No therapist would want to hear me speak.

  
  



End file.
